Wife advice to a hurting friend…..

My wife shared with me a letter she wrote to a friend who has had some very rough times lately. And while we all come across rough spots in our lives, many of us have enough resources, friends, or wherewithal to not spend too much time in the valleys. While they sharpen and grow us, the valleys, like mountains, aren’t places to remain in and live, but rather locations and times to make our journey through.

I share (and anonymize) this letter for those who might benefit from my wife’s wise and Scriptural counsel.

My Dearest Friend,

I have been praying for you daily, as have been my friends. I am part of an accountability group and what we do is we hold each other accountable for living a Christian lifestyle. I really want you to have an open mind and an open heart as you read my letter.

First off I cannot even begin to fathom or understand what you have gone through in the last couple of years. It breaks my heart when any couple under any circumstances ends up in divorce. In talking to you, I know this has been a very dark and hard time for you. The bitterness, lies and deceit you have been going through surely have taken its toll, both on you and the kids. And although I don’t know all the details of your final settlement, I get from you that you are clearly unhappy and disappointed with it. I have empathy for you.

~But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. ~ Galatians 5:22

Now here is my advice and my challenge for you. The courts have made their decision and no matter how unhappy you are with it, you must pick up the pieces and move on. You have no choice but to do so. Your health and your well being are at stake. You have to start from this moment to make it the first day of the rest of your life. You have to give all the bitterness, anger, hurt, disappointment, and frustration to God. This is the hard part. You need to get on your knees and pray to your Savior, tell Him to give you peace, go ahead demand it from Him. Tell Him to take your worries, your pain, tell Him to surround you with His love and light. You need to pray continually. You need to focus on the positive and count your blessings. You have to see what is right with your life and move on. You need to get that Princess smile and laugh back. I know what makes you happy, surrounding yourself with fabric, painting your treasures, creating, reading, your children. Live for God first, put Him at the center and then everything else will fall into place. God wants you to live a life of joy, He loves you more than any person and His love is all the matters. Take the strength that He offers you and kick Satan to the curb.

~Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.~ James 1:12

Here is the harder part. Let your ex go. Be nice, take the high road. You don’t need to keep track of everything he does anymore. The courts don’t care anyway and it consumes you. If it’s his turn to have the kids just send the kids out. Keep your contact minimal and civil. If he wants to track what you are doing, so what? Let him. He is controlling you right now, you have to move on. He will continue to do things that upset you, you need to pray for strength, you count to 10, you find your joy and you move on. You love on your kids and don’t bad mouth him. Your kids will respect you more for it. I hope and pray you can do this. You must in order to move on with your life. You are starting over, make it a good start. I know you can do it. Princess Power!!!

~For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.~ Jeremiah 29:11

Nothing new can come into your life until you are grateful for what you already have. So find your gratitude. Go volunteer in a shelter, serve meals, help those in need. Do something that makes you feel good. Don’t do it for your glory but for God’s glory. Then God will bless you. What are you grateful for at this moment? Your beautiful children? A roof over your head? Clothes? Books? Pets? Food? Even at your lowest point you are better off than millions of other people.

~but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.~

Isaiah 40:31

Keep your faith, your hope and your dreams alive! Be happy for everything that happened for it strengthens you, you are God’s warrior. Never give up, hold your head up and walk straight. Join a book club, a quilting club, a painting club, a Bible study, you will make friends. Wonderful friends who love you and understand you, friends God will bless you with.

~For we live by faith, not by sight.~ 2 Corinthians 5:7

Lastly you need to forgive. God has already forgiven both you and your ex. Without forgiveness you truly can never move forward. You need to forgive everyone who you feel has let you down during this entire process. They don’t have to say they are sorry, you just need to forgive them. God sent His only son to die for our sins, that is how much HE loves you. God expects you to forgive, so do it and free yourself completely.

~Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.~ Colossians 3:13

You must choose to trust God with your problems and your fears. To be successful at this, it is necessary to set aside time in your day to be still-be quiet before Him. He will lift the weights from your shoulders and carry your problems and fears for you. Peace that is at rest in your soul, calmness in your heart, trust that radiates through your very being comes from your relationship with God who loves you so much. God promises to never leave you, he will walk with you with whatever life brings. He will be your strength when you haven’t enough strength to lift your head.

~I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength.~ Philippians 4:13

I love you Princess, it is time to move on, to forgive, forget, find happiness, start over. You will always be one of my best friends. I wish I could bottle you up and move you closer to me. I know you have it in you, I believe in you. You are a very special lady, a very beautiful strong woman. I will continue to pray for you, I have faith in you and so does God.

Peace, Love and Blessings,

Kentucky Princess

The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you.

Nicely said, wifey!

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net

The classic parent enabler…..

There are many great Christian ministries out there. One that I get a daily email from is Parenting Today’s Teens. Below is their radio spot / podcast from yesterday. It describes the classic parent enabler — one that, understandibly, wants to “rescue” their teen or child and prevent them from pain. However, in doing so repeatedly, sets up a cycle of enabled bad behavior and delayed or reduced consequences.

God often uses pain as the instrument to move His children from foolish thinking to wisdom. Likewise, consequences in the lives of our own children can bring about corrected behavior.

It’s hard for some parents to allow their child to feel any form of pain from consequences, so they rescue them. But for teenagers, inappropriate behavior changes only when the pleasure received from wrong choices is overridden by the pain of consequences. I’m not talking about physical pain, but the loss of certain freedoms for a time.

So, parents need to learn to allow consequences happen, and not lessen them, or they’ll start a cycle of having to rescue their child again and again, from ever increasing wrongdoing, for their entire life.

They say it much better than I do. Go check out their website for some great resources and insight.

…..Dan at aslowerpace dot net